Behind Closed Doors

There’s this Johnson and Johnson commercial that has as its tag line, ‘Having a baby changes everything’. I can remember seeing that commercial while I was pregnant with my daughter (the last time I actually got to really watch TV) and thinking that it was nonsense. And then she was born. And then my son was born.

And everything changed. Of course there were the obvious changes…my clothes, my time commitments, the depth of the bags under my eyes. But the one thing that changed that wasn’t necessarily visible to the outside world was my heart. The babies caused my heart to see the world through a totally different lens. As they’ve gotten older it’s changed even more. It’s caused me to have a newfound respect for children.

As the current school year has progressed, dealing with other people’s children has changed it even more. At least once a day I interact with some little person that hasn’t made a good choice. Usually it’s because they’re tired, hungry, or just being three. But sometimes it’s because at their very young age they’ve been dealt a handful of hurt. Hurt that I can’t even begin to comprehend. 

You see, ten years ago I would’ve laughed at the idea that an eight year old could be stressed. I mean really, what’s stressful about going to school and hanging out with friends? But as I spent more time around young people I came to find that, as a former student told me, life is different behind closed doors. There are things happening in the lives of children these days that isn’t respectful of their bodies, their minds, or their souls. That constant disrespect manifests itself in ways that as adults, we see as defiant, disobedient, and disrespectful. 

The irony though is that as adults, we behave the same way when we feel disrespected; but, we try and justify it. So today, I challenge you. The next time you decide to write off a kid as being a rude, spoiled brat, or disrespectful knucklehead, talk to them. You might find out what’s going on behind closed doors. 

Until next time…

 

Moming Ain’t Easy

My brother called a couple of nights ago and the first thing out of his mouth was ‘You don’t sound good’. I explained that I was tired – my kids haven’t been sleeping well – and that his niece and nephew wouldn’t let me great. We laughed and moved on. Later in the evening I picked up a book I’ve been reading for awhile about being a weary mom. After reading it my earlier thoughts were confirmed: moming ain’t easy. 

For the past two weeks my kids have made their way into my room in the middle of the night. Although the dark circles and bags under my eyes aren’t comical, the 2 am rendezvouses are quite funny. Somehow they are wide awake, trying to have full blown conversations about absolutely nothing. And all I can do is acquiesce. Moming ain’t easy. 

On Tuesday, I fell asleep on the couch while the hubs and son were at soccer practice – I was supposed to be cooking dinner. I woke up a few minutes before they came home and threw together some grits with cheese and bacon and some biscuits…and they loved it (they have deep southern souls). They ate most of it and I got just enough to fight the hunger pangs. Moming ain’t easy. 

But as I got ready for bed, and thought about how exhausted I was and if I had enough concealer (I’ve started wearing concealer y’all) I realized that no, moming ain’t easy. But when my babies give me hugs and kisses; when I look at the notes on my wall at work that they’ve written me; when they tell me they missed me while at school – it’s worth it. 

Until next time…

Full Surrender

Faith. I’ve been throwing that word around a lot lately. Between my aunt’s cancer diagnosis, treatment, and remission, testifying about the blessings of being a true tither, to Jacob’s decrease in ear infections, I throw the word faith around like a football on Sunday.

But here’s a confession: I’ve got work to do. You see I do have faith…sometimes. You know what I’m talking about. The big stuff. Work, marriage, kids…THE BIG STUFF.

But the small things? Yea, I’ve got that. At least that’s what I tell myself. Stayed up until 1 am, knowing I have to go to work tomorrow? I got this. Didn’t meet a deadline? I got this. No need to consult God, let alone thank Him for His CONSTANT faithfulness, I.GOT.THIS.

Until life begins to unravel. And then I realize that my faith isn’t  as deep as I think it is. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I would guess it’s because when things are going well I tend to forget who got me there in the first place. If everybody’s healthy, work is good, and the hubs and I are getting lots of QT it becomes easy to put my faith on the back burner. 

But that’s not fair. God never puts me on the back burner. He’s always there, even when the answer is no. He’s there when things are fantastic or when I have fleeting happiness. He’s there when I wake up and have no aches and pains. But He’s also there when I want to smack everybody I see, when the kids aren’t sleeping and the hubs is tripping. God is EVER PRESENT. But my faith isn’t.  

I don’t think I’m alone in this. But I do think that I, alone, can choose to have faith in Him in all things, and at all times. 

Until next time…

The Fallacy of Happiness

In 2014 Pharrell released the mega-hit, ‘Happy’. Once my children heard it, their requests to listen to ‘The Happy Song’ were daily. I sang and danced along with them, laughing at how they messed up the words. Happiness is something that is often the topic of everything from ad campaigns (Hershey’s ‘Happiness Is…’) to famous sayings, to why people leave a job, marriage, or other situation. But as I’ve gotten older and life has gotten more intense, I’ve realized that being ‘happy’ isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

If you go back and read my post “He’s There” you’ll get a brief rundown on some of the things I’ve been mulling over. One of the things I’ve mentioned is that I’ve always had joy. The thing is, and this is so cliche but I’ll say it anyway, happiness is fleeting. It’s situational. Think about it like this; if you have a kid that’s sick and vomiting all over you, you aren’t happy.  But you have joy because although your child is sick, he or she is alive and you aren’t mourning their loss like so many parents. Some might say this is a simplistic example but it goes to show that our moments in time can cause our feelings of happiness to disappear on a whim. I wake up every morning with joy, but depending on the weather outside, I’m not a happy person (like when it’s 98 degrees with a heat index of 105).

I’ll take it a step further. ‘Happy’ is brought to you by situations. Joy is brought to you by God – and He never changes. When you realize that in spite of your circumstances God is indeed there, you understand that like every other feeling, happy will come and go. One thing I always tell newlyweds is that you won’t always be happy. But if you have joy in God and joy in the fact that you have a spouse, you can work through the unhappy times. It won’t be easy; it never is. So today, and every day, choose joy; because,  it is everlasting.

Until next time…

 

The Good Wife

I recently came across a post on a social media page about taking your spouse to the altar and praying for them. I didn’t know the poster personally but something about it bothered me. It wasn’t the idea of praying for your spouse; it just made me wonder if the person who posted it was praying for herself. 

This November my husband and I will celebrate 18 years of being a couple, 11 of those as a married couple. We started dating when we were 17 and after nearly two decades we’ve been through a lot and changed a lot. In some ways the changes have been subtle – our temperament, our spirit, etc. Others have been more obvious – our waistline, his hair color, etc. Through it all, the one thing that hasn’t changed is our desire to be better people to each other. 

One thing that strikes me is that often times, as I’m about to pray for God to fix something that I think is ‘wrong’ with my husband, I get this ache in my heart. It’s as if God is trying to force me to stop and think about what I’m about to say. And I realized, more clearly after coming across the post I first mentioned, that I need to be praying for myself first and foremost. 

I think sometimes in marriages we want to make our spouse be the one with the problem, or the one who needs fixing, or the one that needs Jesus. We think we’re the good wife. But if we really stop and think about it, if we’re praying as fervently for God to work on us, we don’t have time to be so concerned with what’s ‘wrong’ with our spouse. That’s not to say we shouldn’t be praying for our spouses. We most certainly should be a spiritual covering over our partners. But when all the prayers about our relationship become more about what’s not right about our partner, than what is, we’re on the wrong side of things. 

I don’t know it all. But what I do know is that I am a constant work in progress. That each day I have to work hard to allow the Holy Spirit to take over the Corliss Spirit. Sometimes I fail. But when I succeed, the prayers for my husband are less about what I think is wrong and more about what I know is right. Try it sometimes and let me know how it goes. 

Until next time…